Redefining the Nissan Cube, OR: Visions of a Lunatic in the Night

I made friends with a Ford Five Hundred today.  We drove very similarly, and I afforded this man great respect.  But then I realized he had purchased a Ford Five Hundred, and I was very conflicted.

Also, I got up behind an Accord, who was behind this Versa (who was of course going slowly in the far left lane).  The Accord impatiently got into the next lane over and...started going the same speed as the Versa, which is a huge pet peeve of mine.  I got behind the Versa and began tailgating them, so they began to drift over to the right--when the Accord, who had been going 70, all of a sudden decided to accelerate to 80, intimidate the Versa back into the left lane, and then stay right beside the Versa after dropping back down to 70.  I got behind the Accord, tailgated to get him out of the way, and then went on my way.  I got so mad.  It was bad.

A little later on, I realized that the least aesthetically appealing car on the road today is the Nissan Cube.  One of them switched into the left lane in front of me (mind you, it was dark, and several feet away), and the immediate impression I got from the rear was that it was a large glass box on top of a 1996 Nissan Maxima.  So we can see a clear retro trend in tail lights.  Obviously.

 

What my eyes showed me, in the night.

An actual Nissan Cube.  I decree that my mistake is understandable.

Learning to drive

Yesterday, I was about to drive myself and my darling from the CVS.  Having parked against a curb, I for some reason put the car in drive.  I noticed, and reached to put the shifter in reverse, but before I could (note that I didn't move the car at all), my husband goes, "IT'S IN DRIVE WHAT ARE YOU DOING?"  This is in a joking tone, as he is wont to be silly and overblow things for fun, and so I was like, "Hey, I noticed it was in drive!  I moved it!  I saw!" and, flailing, he goes, "You could have killed us!"  Such is the drama of my daily life.  So I giggle, put the car in reverse, back up, go to pull out, and brake for a car that is coming through the parking lot.  As I brake, my husband goes, "AAAAH a car is coming!" and I say, "I KNOW A ****ING CAR IS COMING.  I'M STOPPED.  EVERYTHING IS FINE," upon which he collapses into laughter and I seethe, remembering all the times my father has said similar things.

When I was just learning to drive, my father would hold on to the dashboard with both his hands because I was braking too hard (when I wasn't).  At other times his foot would futilely stomp the floor of the passenger side, when I apparently should have been braking.  Sometimes he would say, "Slower slower slower!" as though he didn't routinely go 82 in a 70 on I-26.  Actually it wasn't even that.  He would say, "Slowing down now!" not as a command, but as a spoken wish, as though it were a spell that somehow I would slow down to the speed limit quickly and safely if he just said it loud enough.

This is making me sound like I was a terrible driver at first.  Truthfully, the only problem I had was changing lanes--I wasn't brave enough to speed up to everyone else's exact speed, slide in, and then do some braking to make sure I didn't rear-end the next guy.  I remember one time where Mom was sitting with me and everyone kept going around me and I was like, "I'm too scared to go over there," and Mom goes, "I can tell.  That's okay."  It was funny but nice.  On the other hand if Dad had been there he would have gone, "AAAAAAAAH!"  So far, I have never had an accident and never gotten a speeding ticket, even in my early days.  I have been driving routinely on the street since I was 16 and on the highway since I was 17 (and I have clocked who knows how many miles on the highway just this year, let alone during college).  But my father still clutches at the dashboard when I make a turn.  And my husband maintains that I'm not careful enough in parking lots.

On the other hand, my father has been know to steer with his elbows while he flosses his teeth, and my husband will get so caught up looking at an interesting building that he will not notice a line of stopped cars in front of us.  He claims that he pays more attention when I'm not there to intervene ("Honey?  Cars...." *SLAM BRAKES*) and I hope that's true.

Day vs. night driving

People have a lot of stereotypes about how people in different states drive.  For example, I think that people in Georgia drive insanely fast, while people in North Carolina tend to be more careful.  But what I think I've realized is that, except in extraordinary circumstances (e.g. near Atlanta), most people are approximately equally stupid if you compare them at the same time of day.  It's not location that determines stupidity, it's the amount of traffic, which is usually determined by the time of day.

When I leave for Atlanta from Durham on Thursday around rush hour, I encounter the greatest volume of jaw-dropping headaching stupidity I ever encounter when driving.  Because people in Durham typically speed much less than their counterparts in Atlanta, everybody thinks it's all right to get in the far left lane only going five over, even when there are four lanes.  Because of that, the few people who want to go more quickly have decided that it's a great idea to just weave in and out of the lanes, even sometimes into the far right lane, to get past all the traffic at any cost.  But what they never seem to realize is that it's not just the stupid people in this pack of drivers that are blocking the far left lane--it's the stupid people in the next group, and the next, and the next, and the groups run fairly close to each other until the end of rush hour.  Typically what I do in this situation is take some deep breaths, resign myself to 75, and slowly pass the trapped lane weavers while laughing.  Oh ho ho, those lane weavers, when will they ever learn?!

At night, however, everything is bright and happy.  Sure, at 7pm or 8pm, there are still some idiots on the road, but by 10pm, the sample of people on the road is much lower so you get fewer morons.  And the morons that do exist are easy to get around, since there is basically no one on the road.  What I love most is when there's a driver going the limit in the far left lane out of 4 lanes at 12 midnight.  Is it that much of a burden to change lanes?  Does your vehicle have a steering wheel?  Have you ever driven a car before?  Just seems silly to me is all.  But sometimes they do that in the daytime with traffic, which is absolutely monstrous.
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To the lady in the van in the far left lane who kept getting passed:  You look really stressed out.  You're going to get a backache if you maintain that posture for the next however long until you stop driving.  Your life would probably be a lot less stressful if you would get over a couple lanes to the right lane, and then people wouldn't be passing you on the right at an overwhelming pace.
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To the silver Altima with the SC plates:  I think you are the driving buddy I have gotten most attached to.  I calculated from the mile markers that we probably hung out for a good 120 miles.  You drive pretty much exactly like me, even going a little slower in lit areas.  I liked you a lot.  Sorry we kept passing each other--if we weren't so absent-minded / if we either of us used our speedometer that might not have happened so much.
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New traffic pattern, my willingness to lead a double life, and an Acura NSX

So I discovered a new traffic pattern today.  It's called the "everyone in the left lane goes 80 for a while and then slams on brakes until they're going 60, repeat" pattern.  Typically the left lane, as congested as it might be (and today it was very congested), likes to go about the same speed with some small deviations for people who occasionally tailgate closer than they meant to and brake.  What ended up happening was that I had one of the scariest moments of my life, since I was following someone a touch closely, they were following the next person a touch closely, and so on, and then everyone slammed on brakes.  So I slam on brakes, which wouldn't have been that scary, except for the fact that my suitcase (which was on the backseat behind me) flew into the back of my seat, making me feel like there had been a hit.  It was super terrifying.

Also, I'd like to mention that one of my husband's law professors claims that minivans are the safest cars on the road (because often enough they house mommies with their children, and one presumes that these mommies are careful).  I'm not sure if that professor had backed that up with statistics, so I'm going to look it up.  Suffice to say that some of the scariest drivers I've seen on the highway are minivans.  A Honda Odyssey passed me in the right lane doing 90 earlier today in heavy traffic.  Unfortunately I didn't get a glance at the driver.  I think it would be funny if these drivers going too fast in minivans were men feeling like they needed to (over)compensate for being a man in a minivan and just rushing around like they were still cool and still a manly force to be reckoned with.  I have seen a couple guys doing this, but I've also seen some women acting the same way in vans.  I don't know.  It would be interesting to study if you ever got that bored.

A cop got on the highway just in front of me today, so I braked to make sure I didn't go any faster than he did.  I typically follow cops and match their speed if it's reasonable, and this guy varied from +5 MPH to +10 MPH in the fast lane.  After a little while he decided to start messing with people's heads and he got over to the far right lane and started doing 65, but we were all like "EFF THAT THE LIMIT'S 70!" and passed him.  It was so cool.  To that cop:  you are the best.  I think I might love you.

Interesting sighting:  In New Orleans (where I went for spring break), I saw a Rolls Royce as I was walking on the street.  It was in stop and go traffic, and knowing it would have to stop soon, I broke from the rest of my group and started sprinting forward so I could catch the front view of it.  I know that's kind of strange, but it was the first Rolls I'd ever seen, and I just saw the doors and the back and I was like, "OMG ROLLS" and just ran.  It was an elegant enough car.  I'd never buy one even if I could, but it is nice to look at simply because of the exclusivity.  I can't remember the model, but if I had to guess I would say it was a Ghost since the headlights looked right and it looked pretty new.  And I mean please, who can afford a Phantom?  (For everyone's information, MSN Autos says the Ghost's MSRP is about $245,000 while the Phantom's ranges from $380,000 to $450,000.)

Second, better, interesting sighting:  On the way back from New Orleans, we spotted an NSX on the highway.  My husband was driving, so I had the luxury of staring out the window and making awkward eye contact with the (forties female) driver while saying "That is a ****ing Acura NSX!" to my husband repeatedly.  It wasn't one of the newer ones (had the pop-up headlights) but it was still gorgeous.  I couldn't figure out what it was until we pulled alongside it and then I just started cussing.  It was a beautiful car.  This is one that looks similar.

 I decided on the way back home that I would be totally willing to lead a double life as a hospice social worker and a Top Gear presenter.  So Top Gear, if you're listening...