Learning to drive

Yesterday, I was about to drive myself and my darling from the CVS.  Having parked against a curb, I for some reason put the car in drive.  I noticed, and reached to put the shifter in reverse, but before I could (note that I didn't move the car at all), my husband goes, "IT'S IN DRIVE WHAT ARE YOU DOING?"  This is in a joking tone, as he is wont to be silly and overblow things for fun, and so I was like, "Hey, I noticed it was in drive!  I moved it!  I saw!" and, flailing, he goes, "You could have killed us!"  Such is the drama of my daily life.  So I giggle, put the car in reverse, back up, go to pull out, and brake for a car that is coming through the parking lot.  As I brake, my husband goes, "AAAAH a car is coming!" and I say, "I KNOW A ****ING CAR IS COMING.  I'M STOPPED.  EVERYTHING IS FINE," upon which he collapses into laughter and I seethe, remembering all the times my father has said similar things.

When I was just learning to drive, my father would hold on to the dashboard with both his hands because I was braking too hard (when I wasn't).  At other times his foot would futilely stomp the floor of the passenger side, when I apparently should have been braking.  Sometimes he would say, "Slower slower slower!" as though he didn't routinely go 82 in a 70 on I-26.  Actually it wasn't even that.  He would say, "Slowing down now!" not as a command, but as a spoken wish, as though it were a spell that somehow I would slow down to the speed limit quickly and safely if he just said it loud enough.

This is making me sound like I was a terrible driver at first.  Truthfully, the only problem I had was changing lanes--I wasn't brave enough to speed up to everyone else's exact speed, slide in, and then do some braking to make sure I didn't rear-end the next guy.  I remember one time where Mom was sitting with me and everyone kept going around me and I was like, "I'm too scared to go over there," and Mom goes, "I can tell.  That's okay."  It was funny but nice.  On the other hand if Dad had been there he would have gone, "AAAAAAAAH!"  So far, I have never had an accident and never gotten a speeding ticket, even in my early days.  I have been driving routinely on the street since I was 16 and on the highway since I was 17 (and I have clocked who knows how many miles on the highway just this year, let alone during college).  But my father still clutches at the dashboard when I make a turn.  And my husband maintains that I'm not careful enough in parking lots.

On the other hand, my father has been know to steer with his elbows while he flosses his teeth, and my husband will get so caught up looking at an interesting building that he will not notice a line of stopped cars in front of us.  He claims that he pays more attention when I'm not there to intervene ("Honey?  Cars...." *SLAM BRAKES*) and I hope that's true.